i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
