Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
dude. I can hear the air.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
