ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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