I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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