you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
