She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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