It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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