so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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