I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
