Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
