I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
