If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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