She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
