She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
