Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
