shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
