The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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