It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
