I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
