I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
