Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
