WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
