Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She even gives head with a lisp.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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