porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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