No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
