I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
