dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
