During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
