Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
