oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
