we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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