I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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