So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
