You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
