You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
