How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
