shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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