would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
