and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When are your genitals available?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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