just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
