Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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