Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
