You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
