Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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