sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
