Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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