I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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