i think i have herpe
just one?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
