There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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