There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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