Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
