really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
