Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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