Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why do cheetos always look like penises
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Blood and glitter go together right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
