that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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