walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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