God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
