that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
