She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Randomize
