Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
